Dear Pud,

How do I get my boyfriend to quit using baby talk and baby nicknames? He refers to himself as “snuggly bear,” though I never reciprocate.

When he tells me “I love you” in a baby voice, it makes me feel like a pedophile. I’ve told him this but he still doesn’t stop –and it’s getting worse!

I hate that I cringe when he’s trying to display affection, but c’mon! What should I do?

Thanks,
Emily
Kentucky, USA

Dear Emily,

When was the last time you felt totally safe and protected?

For your boyfriend, it’s when he was a baby. We’re all taken care of as babies. At around 5, we start having to solve our own problems. We realize that we have to fend for ourselves sometimes, even if it just means getting our own toys out of the toy box.

And that was the last time your boyfriend felt totally safe and protected. Until you came along.

When adults feel safe and protected, and can let down all guard, it’s common for us to regress into the last point in our lives when we felt that way. You’ve clearly felt that way with another guy, probably not too long ago. You regress back a few years or so.

But your boyfriend goes way back to babyhood — it’s the last time he felt this way.

What you two have got, that’s new for him. Sure it’s annoying for you, but you are really special to him.

As for what to do, cherish it. To get him to stop instantly, just bring up a serious topic or something in the news.

Pud

Dear Pud,

How often does the average man wake up with a morning erection? Is it just random or does my husband’s erection have something to do with my sexiness?

Also, should I take advantage of it, or just ignore it?

Thanks,
Terri
25 years old
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

Terri,

Nocturnal boners are timed with REM sleep, and happen roughly once every 4 hours. They last 30 minutes or so, so morning wood is so common. Though I’m sure you’re sexy, that has nothing to do with it.

Regarding taking advantage of it, don’t. He has to pee first.

Pud

I didn’t update Ask Pud tonight — instead I spent a few hours in the studio recording my take on the Juicy Fruit gum jingle.

Enjoy (or not):

Dear Pud,

For the past couple of years, I’ve been really concentrating on guitar, and truly hope that one day I’ll “make it.”

How do I fulfill my dream of becoming a famous guitarist?

Thanks,
G.I.
17 years old
Toronto, Canada

G.I.,

There are three requirements.

1. Do not have any other valuable skills

If you learn how to program computers or fix washing machines, you’ll ultimately end up doing those things. Humans do what they can to survive, and it’s much easier “surviving” with a skilled regular trade, than trying to make it as a professional rock star. The fewer alternatives you have, the closer you’ll come to your goal.

Pay the bills by working at a gas station. And stay far away from college.

2. Be popular

Most kids get into music to avoid the popular scene. But how do you get 500 people to come see your unknown band if you’re not popular?

And being popular with the unpopular crowd doesn’t count. The closer you get to the top of the popularily food-chain, the better. Depending on your style, it may help if the popular kids in your school are more Avril Lavigne and less Dave Matthews. But there’s not much you can do to change what’s already popular (leave that to those who are already rock stars)

Remember your audience. Play to them. You want to be true to yourself, but you also want your music to be popular. By definition, if your style clashes with your audience’s taste, you’re doomed.

3. Music *business*

Don’t forget, the music business is a business like any other. When you’re not physically playing music or writing songs, stop thinking of yourself as a musician, and start thinking of yourself as an entrepreneur.

This means sales (getting gigs), procurement (equipment, negotiating w/ recording studio, etc.), technology (web site), marketing (mailing list, flyers), and more.

Fortunately, the most important thing for an entrepreneur is to love what he does. And that won’t be hard for you.

Rock on (literally),
Pud

Hey Pud,

I’ve been reading your blog for a while, and let me say you’re doing a great job helping people.

There’s this girl I’ve been wanting to ask out for a while. But I’m not sure if she has a boyfriend. What should I do?

Thanks,
Ravi G.
16 years old
Miami, Florida

Ravi,

At no point should you concern yourself with the existence or non-existence of a boyfriend.

Repeat after me: “If she has a boyfriend, that’s HER problem, not mine.”

Assuming she has a boyfriend, she has to make a decision — not you, not the other guy. And if she chooses you, it then becomes HIS problem, which is ultimately what you want.

(now whether you should hit on a woman with a husband is another question, but a 16 year old boyfriend? game on.)

Pud

Pud,

Guess What! You’ve been discovered by the Chasidic women.

I already got two emails about you. Don’t fret, we’re all hot Jewish mamas.

Rock on from the Chasidic ladies!

Ziffy
29 years old
Los Angeles, CA

Ziffy,

Chasidic women are hot! So mysterious, covered up knees and elbows. But you’re also the fun ones, with a strong tradition of dancing, singing, and celebrating life.

Thanks Jew ladies!

Pud

How do you survive doing business with friends or partners?

I’ve suffered two business breakups with friends and various partners. Right now I’m happily working on my own, but I sometimes wonder if there’s a bigger business opportunity that could otherwise be accomplished with a partner.

Can you help?

Thanks,
Irene
31 years old
Jakarta, Indonesia

Irene,

Most apiring entrepreneurs think that business will be easier or more fun if they go into it with friends. The truth is, having business partners (friends or not) radically changes the dynamic of any new company and adds complication. Therefore, only partner when it’s absolutely critical.

First, think about the job description for “founder.” Most founders eventually progress to some other role (CEO, head of some department, etc.) But the very instant the company is founded, the founder has two roles:

1. Hire great employees
2. Build the initial product

There’s a reason I listed them in that order — usually when you do a good job at #1, #2 is easy.

When should you partner? When you’re not qualified to do #1. For example, if you’re a sales pro building a technology company, you’re probably not qualified to build and manage a technology team. That still doesn’t mean you should partner — you could hire a great VP of Engineering — but you probably don’t have the $$$ to do that yet.

Likewise, if you’re a basement-dwelling code junkie starting a sales-intensive business, maybe you could use a polished business partner.

But just partnering with your friends cuz it sounds fun? One of you will end up doing 99% of the work. Don’t let that be you.

Pud

Dear Pud,

I’ve been dating this guy for about 3 months. About a month and a half ago I went bat shit crazy over him, but he told me he didn’t want to be my boyfriend.

I apologized, and we continued to see each other.

Last weekend he took me to meet his parents. I didn’t ask, either — out of nowhere, he told me he wanted me to meet them.

What’s going through his head? I’m so confused.

Thanks a bunch,
Face
Female, 25
Nashville, Tennessee

Face,

His parents called him last weekend to invite him out to dinner. They asked if he wanted to bring a guest. He took you along because he enjoys your company.

He also thinks you’re kind of cute.

But he’s not interested in dating you exclusively. At least, not in your current form. You’re almost there, but not quite ______ enough (fill in the blank with cute, funny, similar, smart, sane, perverted, or something else. you know what it is.).

But there’s good news. You’re in the position to have an even more interesting and fulfilling relationship. Tell him you’re cool with dating other people. Tell him you want to be his “friend with benefits.” Tell him you want him to be with other girls, and that it turns you on to hear about it (get the dirty details… they will turn you on, promise.).

This isn’t about sex. This is about getting him to let you in. He likes you just enough that he’ll open up if you want him to.

You’ll develop a uniquely intense and passionate relationship that’s new to both of you. You’ll learn more about him that you ever thought you would. And… you’ll probably learn what makes him fall in love.

Pud

Dear Pud,

You never reply to my questions. I hope you will reply to this one. Please help me.

There’s a lot of music I want to listen to but sadly I can’t afford it. What should I do?

Aisha
Female, 19

Aisha,

Alltunes, but you didn’t hear it from me (click “english version” on the upper-right)

Pud

Dear Pud,

I would like to become a goth.

But I’m also thinking about going to college to get a career working with horses. Can goths get jobs working with horses? It’s just that I’ve never in my life seen anyone who’s goth working in a stable yard.

A.L.O.
Female, 17

Dear A.L.O.,

Horses, no. Unicorns, okay.

Thanks for asking what’s certainly been on the minds of many Ask Pud readers.

Pud